dry your eyes mate

when he stepped up to take the penalty, it was a rush, a surge of warmness and excitement and pride and all i could scream out was "my captain! my captain" and right then and there, i thought "he's gonna win it for us". It also occurred to me that he probably wasn't one of the 5 initially put down to take the penalty kicks and maybe they were letting HIM take it cos he'd gotten us this far in the champs league, and in gratitude for being such a trooper and a rock for the team and the fans through arguably one of our toughest seasons in past years.

i clasped my knees to my chest and bit on the collar of my shirt in the nervousness of it all. we were on the brink of greatness. chelsea's first champions league final EVER, and what a sweet way to end it off by winning.

the fatigue of waiting for 3 hours, watching as the team tried and missed and played their hearts out. i was emotionally drained by this point, yet ready to draw upon my reserves and celebrate. and then i had something that i can only describe as an anxiety attack. the anticipation and anxiety culminated and boiled over just like it did when i got my A level results. i was 2nd in line to get my results after shaun and even before i could get to the table where K was standing, i just lost it and started crying uncontrollably and shaking. i remember stacy's mum putting her hands on my shoulders from behind trying to steady me and commenting "so excited to get your results ah!". when i DID get to the table, K hadn't gotten my result slip out and i think she got a bit spooked by my dishevelled state and was madly rifling through the slips trying so hard to look for my slip which just happened to be incredibly hard to pick out in the heat of the moment, so she said "i'm not doing this on purpose" and my only reaction was to cry even harder. then when she DID hand my slip to me saying that she wanted to talk to me, i knew I was done for. and pretty much my world came crashing down.

just imagine what must've been running through his mind before that. our first champs league final, the victory of which was resting on his shoulder. our only shot at silverware this season. the shot, that would make up for the loss of the premier league title. the shot that would allow us to end on a high note, especially with the impending departure of some of the teams most prolific players. and personally, he had to make the shot to prove himself as worthy for England captainship once again.

the weight of the world on his shoulders. it was like the results release all over again, except that this time it happened when terry went for the run-up, slipped on the wet grass, and shanked the shot. the rise and fall of greatness, all in a few seconds. and it felt horrible. of ALL people it had to happen to him. a man with that much passion and heart didn't deserve that one bit. the shame, THE SHAME.

to see him collapsed on the pitch crying like he did was the hardest moment for me to wrap my head around. the pillar of strength crumpled on the floor like that, weeping, was just something i wasn't ready for.

then anelka's penalty was saved and it was decided. i now know what it feels like to have my heart broken.

gutted, absolutely gutted.

i just hope to GOD that JT isn't absolutely destroyed by this. he doesn't exactly have Euro to distract him from the trauma. I just hope that the resilience, the utmost resilience that he has displayed all through his playing career, carries him through to the next season.

as for drogba...he's dispicable and a SHAME upon the name of the club. absolutely unwarranted behaviour. leave, JUST LEAVE.


edit:

Sun, 25th May 2008
John Terry has written an open letter to Chelsea fans following the Champions League Final.
The Chelsea captain wrote:

'To all the Chelsea fans, all my team-mates, the manager and staff at the club.

I am so sorry for missing the penalty and denying you the fans, my team-mates, family and friends the chance to become European champions.

Many people have told me I don't need to say that but I feel I need to, that's just me. I have relived that moment every minute since it happened. I have only slept a few hours and wake up every time hoping it's all been a bad dream.

I have had some amazing support from fans, current and ex-players, family and friends and I need to thank everyone for that. But I am a big man and I take responsibility for us not winning.
I am and ALWAYS will be Chelsea through and through. I will give my all on and off the pitch to win this trophy as a player and one day as a manager. And I am sure we will win it.

That night in Moscow will haunt me forever and I feel I have let everybody down and this hurts me more than anything. I am not ashamed about crying. This is a trophy I have tried so hard year after year to win and it was just an uncontrollable reaction, I wear my heart on my sleeve, everybody knows that.

The road to Rome starts here, we have to try and turn this experience to our advantage. I am very proud of how far we have come this season with everything that has gone on.

Thank you for all your support for the team this season.'

......

i was expecting that he'd put out a statement on chelseatv or on chelseafc. From the bottom of my heart i thank him for his efforts and his leadership, and i laud him for putting out this open letter, but honestly the apology wasn't necessary. He is all the more my captain and an inspiration, and God knows i love him to death. I'm sure other Chels fans will agree that he's made us proud to be supporters.

he's made me cry again ;(